Be honest and truthful

Honesty is extremely important in any relationship. It makes up one of the many strong foundations upon which we live our lives and is one of the first qualities we expect from our partners.

As her husband, one of the main things your wife will want from you is honesty. You need to be honest to your wife, your children and, just as importantly, yourself. If you aren’t truthful with yourself you are holding back who you really are. You need to be honest about your expectations of yourself and your wife and you need to be truthful about where you are and who you are with.

Being truthful about the everyday, small things in life is how you build the basis for the bigger, more important issues when they arise. If your wife can’t trust you pay the bills on time how can she trust you to make sure your home is financially secure and you are protecting your family? The occasional little “white lies” that may seem inconsequential because you don’t want to upset her at the time can start to wear away the trust she has for you and when something important happens and you want her understanding, it just won’t be there.

If there is something you know your wife doesn’t like you doing it’s best you don’t do it at all, rather than do it and lie about it. Ask for her understanding, explain what you want to do and why you want to do it. If you disagree and you decide to do it anyway, tell her that, rather than do it behind her back. She will have more acceptance for your choice than she will of your lack of honesty.

Whatever your expectations of each other, be honest with each other about them. Talk often about your feelings, because your true feelings will help keep the marriage together and strong.

Change your own behavior first

Unfortunately, we really can’t try to change our partner’s behaviour without changing our own. The harsh reality of life is that sometimes we just have to bite the bullet, swallow our pride, and take a good hard look at ourselves before we start to focus on others. We have to get real about ourselves.

If there are problems in a marriage it will rarely be because of just one party. It might seem that way to you, and yes, it may be that certain things your wife has done have led to you acting a certain way. But how long will that go on for if it’s not working and both of you are unhappy? You call into the vicious cycle of playing the blame-game and pride prevents one or both of you from taking the first step to fixing things.

But if you are going to be truly honest and want to know that you have given your wife and your marriage everything you’ve got, you have to start looking at yourself and how you may have influenced how things have turned out, whether you have intended to do so or not. It may be that your wife has been snarling at you and for what you think is no good reason, or you may have been trying to help around the house and have tried to implement some of the advice in this book, but to no avail. So, at some point, you have to look at what you are doing and try a different approach. Even if you think you are “right” is being right getting you where you want to be?

If your partner is unwilling to try discussing any problems you can always seek help yourself. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of effort on the part of one partner for the other to see the motivation and become inspired to change as well. Sometimes it’s a bit harder.

Obviously, you can’t change into a new person. But you can change how you handle certain situations and how you react to things your wife says and does.

A communication problem doesn’t usually come from just one person. You might think that what your wife says is clearly making a certain point, but the language barrier between men and women is a lot wider than many people think, and if it’s not understood it can severely impact on how we interpret what our partner means in relation to what they say – they are rarely the same thing. By understanding how men and women are different it may be easier to understand how the communication problem you have has arisen. Do some reading, speak to counselors, and try to get some understanding of how you can make a difference, rather than just expecting your wife to make the changes. If changes in the marriage are necessary, they will come from any changes you make yourself.

You don’t have to be wrong to make the first move.

Carry the bags when you get out of the car

There are so many times when this will apply, from the few day-to-day bags of groceries to the trips away with loads of luggage.

If you’ve been on a picnic with your family, you will know that there are several items involved in the outing – the fold-up chairs, the esky, the picnic blanket, the bag with the kids’ toy cars, the bag with the nibblies, your wife’s handbag, the kids’ hats, etc. The majority of the items you have with you are for all of you, not just your wife, whether you think most of them were necessary or not. By getting out of the car and walking away to find your friends or a shady spot and leaving your wife to carry the majority of the luggage you are sending a very strong message that you have no thought or respect for how she will manage to get everything out of the car and over to the picnic area, that all you are concerned about is what you want to do – not what is best for both of you. When you get out of the car, take the heavy items, and offer to come back for another load rather than her straining herself. It is a small way of showing that you respect her, but it is one of the small tokens that will mean the most, and help to make your wife feel a bit more content within herself.

Bringing home groceries from the shop is the same. If you are home, it is just good manners to help your wife bring in the shopping. There’s not much point in you sitting there watching TV while your wife makes numerous trips to and from the car bringing in bag after bag of shopping. Again, this is just a matter of simple courtesy and manners. Think about how you would like to be treated and treat your wife accordingly.

Can one candle really do all that?

Never underestimate the power of a candle.

Yes, one of those little waxy things that you set fire to. Think about all those movies you’ve seen where the couples have dinner by candlelight – there’s a very good reason for that: candlelight romance. What’s one thing that always makes a woman say “oooh” and makes her snuggle against you that little bit more? A candle. The more candles, the more the “oooh” factor. Picture every photo of an expensive resort or restaurant you’ve ever seen and you can be sure you’ll come up with one common theme – candlelight, perhaps with a garden setting, perhaps with a beach setting, perhaps just at a dinner table. But there they’ll be, gently flickering in the breeze, ready to capture the attention of every woman around.

But don’t panic, you don’t actually have to take her to one of those places (well, perhaps…). No, seriously, you don’t. Just buy a few nicely decorated candles and put them in your home. These
days you can buy the most beautifully decorated, fragrant, mood invoking candles imaginable, in any shape, size or colour. Just by sitting down occasionally with all the lights off (after the kids are in bed) and having a quiet chat with your wife you can work wonders. Candles soften any mood, relax tension, and create such a warm, glowing feeling that conversations always flow easier.

Talking by candlelight comes more naturally, even if it is just amiable chit-chat, which is sometimes where we need to start. It isn’t always easy to sit down and have a serious discussion about relationship issues so just some light conversation by candlelight might be just what you need to get the words flowing.

By using fragrant candles, such as lavender and vanilla, you can create an even more relaxing environment in which you can both relax and talk, and get back in touch with each other.

Don’t compare her to other women

Even if you think you are just making a suggestion, comparing your wife to any other woman is absolutely taboo.

No-one likes to be told someone else is better than them, and your wife is no different. She is an individual person who does things her own way and looks her own way. She is a unique individual and you must appreciate her for her she is – you love her and you chose to marry her – to imply that she doesn’t satisfy you is hurtful.

If you don’t like her cooking, suggest some things that you do like and ask her to try them. To say that your brother’s wife is a much better cook is not the way to handle the issue. If her cooking really is that bad, why not take over the job yourself? There is bound to be a way to work it out if it really causes a problem in the home. If you don’t like the way she dresses, don’t tell her your mate’s wife always looks nice and has a lovely figure. Offer to go shopping with her and choose a few things yourself and suggest what you like about them (the color matches her eyes, the style makes her look taller, etc.) in a positive way. If * ZAFFAR SAYS * “She is an individual person who does things her own way and looks her own way….” PAGE 58……………5 Steps To Happy Wife & Life www.ZaffarKhan.com Copyright © 2009. Zaffar Publications All Rights Reserved No part of the Book may be used or reproduced in any manner without the express consent of Zaffar Publications you think her housekeeping skills are a bit lacking, offer to have a cleaner come on a regular basis to take the pressure off, rather than complain that your neighbor’s home is always tidy, so yours should be, too. If she has, perhaps, put on some weight, offer to go for regular walks with her so you can both get fit, instead of commenting that your sister has lost heaps of weight.

Many women are full of self-criticism and to begin with, and are often lacking in confidence in relation to their appearance or their ability to keep their husband happy. Noticing positive things about other women is always going to hurt your wife, whether you intend it that way or not. Having even the smallest fault put to her in a comparative way is likely to make your wife’s confidence levels drop drastically.

Also consider whether you have been paying her much attention recently. If she feels that you are too busy to notice what she wears, she will probably put less effort into choosing her clothes. If you complain about what she cooks she will feel there is not much point thinking about what to cook that you like because you won’t like it anyway. Negativity brings out more negativity. That’s just the way of human nature. Finding a positive way to bring about changes in your wife is usually going to be better received than comparing, and more likely to be acted on.

Bring in the washing if it’s raining

Think about it. Your wife’s had to go and pick up one of the kids from a friend’s house because he’s sick, and had to stop off at the chemist on the way, and you’ve got friends coming for a barbeque in an hour. The clouds roll in and, inevitably, the rain comes. The kids’ school uniforms are on the clothes line, and you know you’ll all be out tomorrow at your dad’s birthday party. The last thing your wife needs is to come home and find that the washing is dripping on the line, and you’re watching TV, or sorting out your drill bits in the garage!

Even if the washing wasn’t dry yet, it’s going to be easier to get half-dry washing to dry than it is going to be to get rain-soaked, dripping washing to dry. So it will usually be a good bet to bring it in, even if you aren’t sure.

For the sake of just two minutes of your time, your wife will – almost guaranteed – say “thank you” to you for bringing that washing in, probably followed by a smile. If you don’t, the first thing she will say – again, almost guaranteed – when she walks in the door will be “you could have brought the washing in for me! Now I’ll have to…”

It’s all about thinking outside your own world and seeing what happens in someone else’s. You might think it’s no big deal to leave the washing out, it will dry tomorrow. But that’s no good to your wife now. If your car was left out with the windows down and it started to rain you would like someone (probably your wife) to realise that and put your windows up while you were in the shower.

Those few minutes taken to bring the washing in will probably save your wife hours of fussing later, and your wife will appreciate you making the effort to make her life a little bit easier.

Be a good provider

Whether or not your wife works as well it’s probable that you are the main income earner in the home and are the main provider for your family.

As statistics show that a woman is more attracted to a man who is a good provider (this means that he is gainfully employed, brings home the money, and is happy to do it), it makes sense for you to have a good, reliable job that you enjoy. Job satisfaction will play an important role in this, as mentioned above. If your wife knows you are happy to go to work and you don’t mind being there and supporting the family, that will be a huge load off her mind and she will be much more inclined to want to support you.

But if you’ve lost interest in going to work, you come home cranky or you resent supporting your family, it might be time to consider getting another job, maybe even in an entirely different profession.

Perhaps there are other factors that determine whether or not you can provide financially for your family. In which case, it may be beneficial for your family if your wife actually becomes the main financial earner and you take on the role of supporting the family at home. Should that be the case, it’s best if you, as would your wife, undertake that role well fulfil your part.

COACH

Many people use the words ‘mentor’ and ‘coach’ interchangeably but there is a fine line of difference. The word ‘coach’ has several meanings and one is “giving someone private instruction in a particular subject”. Although coaches are generally associated with athletes and team sports, everyone needs a coach. It is easy to lose direction when difficulties arise. Sometimes you don’t know what to do for the best any more and you can get to the point where there is little purpose in your day. Start working with a coach; just as in the sporting arena, a coach will guide you back on track and assist you to reach peak performance.

Coaching, however, is not just for when you are down and discouraged. Coaches are committed to challenging you to reach your full potential – to make you into the best person that you can be. Like mentors, they have the knowledge and experience because they have been there before you. They can help you discover and set your goals and they can train you to stay focused. They can also inspire and encourage you, through a process of self-evaluation, to improve your performance so you will be able to achieve your goals more easily. In doing this they can engender in you a need to maintain enthusiasm for what you are doing and you will receive emotional support and feed-back along the way. Coaches, like mentors, are people with whom you can share all your hopes and aspirations, confident that they will adapt to your daily needs, adopting the role of taskmaster, library of knowledge or persistent motivator, but always educator, in order to help you reach and grasp your dream. A coach is there to show you how, rather than just ‘doing it’ and leaving.

A coach will teach you new information, new skills and strategies and you will be shown how to measure your results. Some of those strategies, put into place on a daily basis, will form good habits that will lead to the success you are looking for. Learning to delegate can be one good habit to learn. Allow others to show what they can do and give yourself time to do those things that are most important. You will also be shown how to ‘think outside the box’ and detour around obstacles that present themselves from time to time.

A coach will push you to do what needs to be done but a coach is also your friend and will make you feel better about yourself, less stressed and more relaxed.

On the whole coaching embodies four essential principals for continuing success – education, inspiration, strategies and consequences. A coach will:

• Point you to the personal study you may need to do to gain the right knowledge to achieve your goal.

• Be a driving force to inspire and encourage you to engage on a daily basis and focus your efforts to achieve your goal.

• Teach you strategies that will bring massive results and lead to excellence in your achievements.

• Teach you to be accountable for what you say and do and help you understand the consequences of your actions both good and bad.

A coach is there for you and you will find the time well spent and exciting as you build toward the achievement of your goal and ongoing success.

EXACT GOAL

Time Out

Begin by determining exactly what your own personal vision, mission and goals are. One of the best ways of doing this is to take yourself out of the hurry and scurry of daily living and spend one hour alone. This ‘time out’ should be done on a regular basis as it is imperative to your success.

People who constantly rush about and who never take the time to be quiet often have to work very hard without ever reaching their goals in life. If you do not put forward the effort to set goals, your accomplishments will be far less than your capabilities. Statistics have shown 70 percent of the population do not set or write down their goals. Don’t let yourself fall into this statistic. Instead, take this one hour of time and make the effort to reach out toward your potential.

Both your intuition and creative imagination function well in times of silence and isolation, particularly during periods of relaxation. These quiet periods are the times when your inner powers are best able to gain your attention and release the information you need. You are more able to hear your inner promptings and thus receive rich, fresh ideas for you to action.

Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed by outside noises or people. Nothing of importance can easily be solved until you have faith in yourself and you are able to relax. Physical and mental relaxation is mandatory. Your best ideas and solutions to problems will come when you are relaxed and quiet and the more relaxed you are, the more successful the results will be. You will find it easy to secure new ideas and improve on your old ideas and you will be able to accomplish more things with less effort and without strain.

First, take a few minutes and meditate on your vision and what you want to do with your life and set your vision and mission now. Think about what you hope to achieve. As you think and contemplate these things, let them grow in your mind as expanded ideas that will move you to action. The only way any of us can grow is to keep stretching our capacities. Everyone meditates at some time, whether you are aware of it or not. The word ‘meditate’ means “to think about, contemplate, to consider deeply and continuously”. Whatever you think about constantly is the subject of your meditation.

Whenever you learn to tune in to the power deep within yourself you will be able to create the conditions that will enable you to set your goals. Sit quietly and listen to the creative part of your subconscious. This part of your mind is like your radio. If you turn off your contact between the creative subconscious and your conscious mind the ideas, information and answers to your problems cannot come through and you will not receive those ideas. But if you ‘tune in’, the unlimited power of your creative mind will allow the conscious mind to receive the ideas, directions and messages it is sending out and they can help you point out the way to attaining your goals. This powerful act gets your conscious and unconscious mind seeking more of those opportunities that are aligned with your purpose. That is why it is so important to be receptive. It reinforces to you the fact that you are the only one creating your unique future. If you can make full use of your quiet time, it will help you make the right decisions even when you are busy.

Begin by believing in yourself and, although you are relaxed, remain mentally alert and gently let your mind expand on your vision and goals and prepare to write everything down.

Your Vision

During your hour alone, write down your vision. A vision is important because it is the foundation for your goals. A vision requires engagement on a daily basis, which is called a mission. This mission is the path that you take to get there and the specific means by which you accomplish your vision. The vision and mission should be put into practice by setting out specific, measurable steps designed to achieve the mission. Those steps are called goals. Write your vision for a five-year, ten-year or twenty-year time frame. When you write your mission simply describe the general path that will lead you to accomplishing it. Remember, your vision and mission may have minor changes over time, so don’t try to set them out perfectly now. Review them every year and rewrite them as you find yourself getting a clearer picture of what you want.

Once you have defined your vision and mission, you have identified your objectives.

1. Be aware of the importance of your vision and make it a driving force for the attainment of your main goal.

2. Have strong faith in your vision and demonstrate your confidence that any challenges can be met.

3. Be wholeheartedly and enthusiastically engaged on a daily basis toward your vision. Remember that it is your mission.

4. Cherish your vision. Keep it before you always so you won’t grow weary of working towards the vision’s fulfilment and you won’t become complacent or get sidetracked into doing things that do not contribute to its achievement.

5. Speak to your vision as if what you want to see accomplished has already been done.

The principle of creating a vision is not wishful thinking or daydreaming, but what successful people call ‘burning desire’. This is the attitude which says, “I don’t care what it takes, I’ll do it.” Such a desire stretches our capacities, makes us move out of our comfort zone and do things we have never done before. Don’t be afraid to feel that burning desire.

The story is told of a young man who approached the philosopher, Socrates, and said, “Socrates, teach me what you know.” The great teacher looked at the young man and said, “Do you really want to know all that I know?” “Oh, yes, teacher, I do,” the student replied.

“Walk with me for a time,” Socrates said. So they walked for a while in silence. The learned philosopher slipped his arm around the young man’s shoulder and guided him off the path and into the shallow waters of a lake. The young man thought that was a strange way for the philosopher to teach him what he knew, but after all he was Socrates, so the student decided to go along with what was happening.

The continued to walk into the water; it rose to their ankles, then knees and hips, until finally they were standing in water to their shoulders. Suddenly the arm that was around the young man’s shoulders tightened around his neck and pulled him underneath the water. This was a very strange way to teach the student what he wanted to know. But this was Socrates, after all, so he submitted. He grabbed a breath before he went under, so he wasn’t bothered for the first fifteen or twenty seconds, but after about 30 seconds he wondered when Socrates was going to let him up. He gave him a signal to indicate that he had been under long enough and wanted to get out. Another few seconds and the young man began to fight with all he was worth. He kicked and clawed and scratched, but the hold was strong and he lost his strength. At that moment, Socrates pulled him out of the water, dragged him to the shore and began to revive him.

When he caught his breath, angry and confused, the student looked into the face of one of the greatest philosophers of all time and said, “What was that all about?”

Socrates looked into his eyes and said, “When you want to know what I know as much as you just wanted to live, then you will know.” That kind of desire is what is known as burning desire!

Specify your Goal

The first step to producing results in your life is to be very clear about what you want. You must find a purpose for your life. If you have no purpose, you have no power and no desire. Purpose is like the concrete foundation we lay before building ourselves a house to live in. It provides the framework within which goals can be organised and prioritised. It gives guidelines and boundaries in which to work. Many people do not get what they want because they are too vague. When you are specific you have a clear target to shoot for. If you know what you want and why you want it, the how to achieve it will unfold before you each day.

Secondly, if you are to attain success, you must first have a ‘burning desire’ to succeed and then be very precise about the goals you set for yourself. The more specifically defined your outcome, the better guided you are in your goal pursuit and the better your chances of attaining it.

Decide what you want. Don’t decide what someone else wants for you. What is the goal that you are aiming for? Set it for yourself; vague definitions will produce vague results. Sit quietly during your hour on your own and decide what you want by defining your goal exactly – clearly and specifically. Clarity of purpose will drive you forward in the times when you face obstacles.

With your vision before you, now write down the goals you need to reach to attain that purpose. Sharpen your focus and use your imagination. The reason most people fail to achieve their goals in life is that they never set them in the first place. Goals direct you to your final destination and they tell you when you have strayed off the path and bring you back on track.

To release your deep-seated desires for prosperity and success you will need to centre your attention on one big exact goal at a time. Your main goal should always include a number of smaller goals.

It is important to write down your deep-seated desires. Don’t see them as impossible dreams. Draw up a potential plan and make a list of ideas towards your main goal. Feel free to change, revise, reform and rearrange as your ideas unfold. This clarifies the desires in your mind and the mind produces definite results only when it has been given definite ideas through which to work.

Your goals should be specific and written out in detail. Setting goals simply involves writing out the steps it will take to accomplish them; that should include thinking about what you expect to be doing for the rest of the year and beyond. Include both personal and professional goals. State your goals positively and specify when the results will be achieved. When you read your goal aloud, check if it sounds ambiguous. An ambiguous goal leads to ambiguous results.

Setting goals is like programming a computer. Both tasks take skill because nothing can be assumed or left out. Goal-setting is not easy but it is worth every minute spent on it. Set short-term goals that build toward your long-range purpose. This incremental approach will help you to success. By setting a number of smaller goals it is easier to make a correction if you find yourself off target.

There are two kinds of goals:

Objective goals which are the visions you want to pursue for your future rather than end destinations.

Activity goals have specific outcomes and are a means to achieve the objective goal. Activity goals are part of planning.

Objective goals usually remain the same long term. Activity goals change over time. For example, your objective goal may be to become prosperous and your activity goal would be to sell a given number of properties each year.

Always define your objective goal first, followed by the activity goals needed to achieve the objective goals.

Clearly differentiating between your objective and activity goals enables you to see the big picture and by clearly articulating your objective goal first, you can then be guided by several activity goals tied to your objectives.

Make sure your activity goals are measurable. They should come with a deadline and a value you can measure against. For example, your activity goal may be to sell two properties (your measurement) in one year (deadline).

Always begin with the end in mind. Don’t emphasise the task that is needed to get the result you want, but focus on the outcome. This will build the fastest track to goal achievement as the actions needed to be undertaken will naturally fall into place. When you focus with the end in mind you learn to anticipate and plan for contingencies for successful goal achievement.

Think about the Law of Attraction (i.e. what you give out you will attract). When framing your goal, frame it in positive terms, not negative. For example, instead of “Eliminate poverty”, try “Create unlimited abundance”.

Remember, goal-setting is not a one-time exercise; it is an on-going exercise. Goals will need constant review so you need to be constantly aware of the goal-setting process. It is a good idea to review your goals with someone you trust, someone who has already been down that same path of success. As each small goal is reached, reward yourself and celebrate each achievement. Focus on your goals and tackle them one by one. As soon as one goal is accomplished, another goal takes its place. An awareness of the goals that have just been accomplished should be a great encouragement to you. Prioritise your goals; make them realistic. Set high goals but make sure they are attainable. Once you set your goals use negative and positive feedback to adjust your decisions along the way.

Goal-setting brings many benefits. It simplifies the decision-making process and provides a system that measures your progress so you may enjoy the feeling of accomplishment. Goals also generate respect and they produce persistence. Remember, goal-setting is an ongoing exercise. You cannot do it once and ignore it.

This one hour on your own is essential to help you prepare yourself properly for reaching and managing your goals. Think about how your mind functions so you can get it to work for you rather than against you. Speak to your goals. They need to be said aloud with confidence as often as possible. It helps to hear yourself affirm your goals. Genuinely expect your dreams to come true. Once you have set your goals vividly imagine how you will feel when you have reached each of your goals.

Values

Values are distinctly different from goals in that they are usually the qualities behind what you are seeking. For example, if giving to others is something you like to do, the value behind it is generosity. These are principles or standards you live by and they are critical to getting you to your goal. They keep you true to yourself and to the path you wish to travel. The course you take will be based on your ethics, or beliefs, and what is most important to you in your life. You will tend to be drawn to people with common values, which in turn creates enthusiasm and greater productivity when working together.

Your vision and values are important, but they will never be realised unless a goals program is put in place and followed faithfully. The vision will stay the same over a long period of time and the mission and your values will correspond to the vision. But goals should be reviewed frequently in order to adjust them to changing situations so that the vision can be realized.

Habits

Have you ever stopped to think about your habits? They can include always being late for appointments, feeling depressed and cynical and giving voice to those feelings; overeating and nail biting. They are all subconscious habits that are learned and they suggest a self-esteem problem.

During your hour alone, think about your habits and reassess yourself. Ask yourself if your habits will take you where you want to be. Write down your habits then examine them and decide on new habits to put in their place. Make sure your new habits support your goal. To change your habit you will need to modify your self-image and use constant self-awareness to bring about a permanent change. Choose to change from bad habits and be aware it takes at least three weeks to change a habit.

Second, if you want to do more, be more and achieve more, planning, and its subsequent action, will play a vital role in your success; just keep it simple. You should start by that blueprint and not deviate from it

DETOUR

“You’re on the road to success when you realise that failure is merely a detour.” William G. Milnes, Jr.

We have all been told that to be successful we must endure some failure and to look at the lives of great entrepreneurs and not the number of times they failed before pushing on to great achievements and ultimate success. We understand that when we make mistakes we can profit from them and should not make the same mistake twice; that in the experience of failure there is a potential for learning something about the strength needed for setting your face determinedly toward victory. Somehow, when it is our own failure, not someone else’s, it is difficult to see ‘the forest for the trees’ and it seems we will never get through the experience to taste success. We feel we have lost our identity and our self-confidence is shredded. Even though you don’t feel like it, you must keep up the fight to re-establish your self-esteem. Begin to look for a detour, a way around your roadblock and think about what Zig Ziglar said, “Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.”

When failure happens or mistakes occur, it is easy to say, “I’ve tried and failed so what is the point of trying again?” That is not the attitude of a winner. Instead think of your journey as a road trip and failure as a roadblock. You have three options. You can turn and travel back to where you started (i.e. give up completely), you can sit at the roadblock and hope things return to normal soon (i.e. do nothing) or you can follow the sign which says ‘detour’. When you see that sign you know that if you want to get to your destination (i.e. successful achievement of your goal) it will be necessary for you to leave the road you know (perhaps leave your comfort zone) and travel along an unknown route until it meets your road again, somewhere up ahead. If you want to continue on the road to success, just look for the detour; look for a different plan to help you around your difficulty. Even though you are, perhaps, following a road unknown to you, if you follow the signs put up by those who do know the road, you know you will remain on track. There will always be a way around your failure, if only you are prepared to look for it and follow the signs.

Many people say failure is a fact of life and, certainly, no one is immune to making mistakes when you are aiming for a high goal. Even the most successful people have experienced failure at some time. The important thing is to recognise the potential danger of negative feelings and attitudes that come from failing to achieve and take positive action to correct your course. Instead, if you recognise that in failure there is power for success – a detour available to get you back on track – you will not be discouraged by the failure and you will learn from it.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking of failure as the enemy of success – it isn’t. Failure is a teacher, a harsh one, but nevertheless it is the best one. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it and gain knowledge that would otherwise be unobtainable and unavailable to those who have never failed. Find the detour which takes you past your obstruction, for that is where you will find success – on the far side of failure.

There is incredible value to be found in the mistakes you make. T.H. Huxley said, “There is greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life”. He knew it was impossible to reach your dream without mistakes and failures along the way. You cannot grow without being prepared to risk something of yourself and having to handle the inevitable criticism you will attract. Hang in there – finding the detour around the boulders that obstruct progress can be a quicker, easier means of achieving the end you desire. By doing this you show a strong belief in yourself and you will find that circumstances are unable to disturb your determination to continue your journey. Success always transcends failure when persistence and passion have their way.